My first solo session was not the sexy, confident scene I’d imagined.
I was nervous. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I kept checking the time. And when it was over, I thought: “That’s it?”
It took me a while to figure out what works for me. Looking back, there are a few things I really wish someone had told me before I started.
So here they are — five honest lessons from my early solo days.
Seriously. You might laugh. You might feel nothing. You might press the button and accidentally turn the vibrator off right when it starts to feel good.
That’s all normal.
Solo sex is a skill like any other. The first time you ride a bike, you wobble. The first time you cook a new recipe, it might not turn out great. Same here.
Give yourself permission to be clumsy. There’s no audience. No one’s grading you.
I used to think lube was only for partnered sex. Wrong.
A drop of water-based lubricant makes everything smoother, more comfortable, and more sensitive. It reduces friction, which means you can play longer without irritation.
And no, it doesn’t mean you’re “not wet enough.” It means you’re smart.
If you’re new to lube, start with our Aloe & Sage water-based formula — it’s gentle, pH-balanced, and toy-safe.
This was a big one for me. I thought every solo session had to end in an orgasm. Otherwise, what was the point?
But sometimes your body isn’t there. Sometimes you’re tired, stressed, or just not feeling it. That’s fine.
Enjoy the journey. The warmth, the relaxation, the curiosity. If you orgasm, great. If you don’t, that’s also great. You still took time for yourself.
My first toy was a cheap bullet from a drugstore. It worked, but it wasn’t exactly inspiring.
Later, I tried a rose toy — softer, quieter, more beautiful. Then a G‑spot vibrator. Then a wand.
Each one felt completely different. Some worked better for quick sessions, others for longer, slower play.
Don’t assume the first toy you try is “what vibrators feel like.” There’s a whole world out there.
For a beginner-friendly option, check out the Sona bullet vibrator. It’s small, quiet, and great for exploring.
You can have the perfect toy, the best lube, and a step‑by‑step guide. But if your brain is full of to‑do lists or self‑criticism, it won’t feel good.
Before you start, take two minutes to breathe. Put your phone away. Light a candle if that helps. Remind yourself: this is time for you. No pressure, no performance.
The best solo sessions happen when you’re not trying to prove anything. Just be curious. And kind to yourself.
For more on the benefits of solo play, check out this article from the American Sexual Health Association.
If you’ve been curious about solo play but felt awkward or unsure, start small. Five minutes. A simple bullet vibrator. No expectations.
And if you have questions — about which toy to try, how to use lube, or just how to get out of your head — email us. We’re here to help.
Ready to pick your first toy? Head over to our Complete Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys — we break down every type and material so you can choose with confidence.
Sow love, let it grow.
Real-world product reviewer and sexual wellness advocate. Tests every toy personally so you don’t have to guess
